Don't be Creepy: A Guide for Men Inquiring about Boudoir Photography

Let me just start by saying that I love weird stuff. I love creative stuff. And I do not shy away from sexual expression in art. But being open to sexuality expressed in art and photos does not equal running a free 1-900 chat line for weirdo dudes from the internet who just want to say the word "nude" to a woman.

Maybe you have a bold concept in mind that pushes you toward the limits of your comfort zones. Maybe you're a little unsure of how to bring it up with a photographer you've never met. It's okay! There's a way to do it without making things uncomfortable for both of us. Here are some tips...

1. Ask me anything... once. Then stop asking. Frequently, men like the guy who sent the texts below will ask over and over about things like nudity in an apparent attempt to get a titillating dialogue going. The conversation never moves on to the next steps like scheduling the shoot or paying the deposit.

Once I've answered your question, knock it off! Multiple uses of words like "nude" and "erotic" are a dead giveaway that this is not a legit inquiry and it's a fast track to the block button.

2. Get to the point! This isn't the story line of Rochelle, Rochelle. If all you want is a price quote, I don't need your life story in the form of a strange work of erotic fiction. The following is the text from what I believe was probably a scam email and not a serious inquiry:

I would like to inquire about scheduling an outdoor boudoir shoot. I would like to do an outdoor boudoir shoot of my boyfriend in thongs. He and I have discussed this a several times and he finally agreed to do it, reluctantly yes, but he agreed to do it. He is extremely shy and nervous, but I have told him I will handle all the planning, and will be nearby the entire shoot.

It took an effort to finally get him to agree and I hate to pass on this cause I know him well and with his shyness and him embarrassing so easy, I do think it will get quite interesting :)

I won't go into any deeper details as of yet and tie up your time, but gladly will, and I think going deeper is a must for the photographer to know, if it is possible that you can do the shoot. Knowing ------- like I do and knowing some things I can go into later, I can about promise you this will be one of the most fun and interesting shoots you may have ever done. I know it will be very exciting for me if it is done.

Here is the background I feel needs to be known............... I promise you I don't need any of this "background"

My boyfriend, --------- is --- very shy and easy to become extremely embarrassed. He has always been shy and growing up he sort of lived a sheltered life, as that he didn’t go out to clubs or dances. He still has never been to a club or a dance. I would say ---------- worldly experiences would be about along the 14 to 15 age frame. Not his IQ or mentality. He has just not experienced the life you and I have.

I can tell you this, and it has happened a few times over the last couple of years while at my house or his. One night we were watching a movie and I had him wearing thongs for me, as I sometimes do, and ---------was sitting there in them when someone knocked at the door. He froze for a second or two, looked at me, looked at the door and glanced around the room and then got up looking around the room, looking one way then the other like he was looking for some clothes. He started to go one way then stopped, trotted back the other way stopped again, then looked around again. The whole time he never spoke nor acknowledged me. I swear to God he was zoned out like a deer caught in the headlights.

----------- then trotted down the hall, and the whole time he was trotting, he was on his fucking tip toes, and I could hear him going oouufff" "oouufff" He didn’t come back to the living room until about 30 minutes later, and I told him what he did and he didn’t remember it!!!! He remember the knock and getting off the couch. He thinks I was lying. lol I understand zero parts of this story or why it warrants an "lol"

I promise you that is the truth. Another time it happened he had just finished his shower and had a towel on when some noise startled him and again he was in that zone. Trotting about here and there on his tip toes, and the same "oouuff" "ooouuff “I know the same thing has happened twice more.

Don't get me wrong, I love my boyfriend but after witnessing those incidents I knew I wanted to have some fun with this, and came up with an outdoor photo shoot. I hope you do not think me a bad person.

I would love to do it between the hours of 1 and 4 pm so as to put a bit of the "embarrassing pressure" on him. I am in hopes of getting that same deer in the headlight response that I have witnessed several times. I do believe we will get it. I apologize but I can't help myself. I want to see his little shy ass trotting around outdoors stripped down to some skimpy ass thongs. I think once it really hits him where he is (outdoors) and in nothing but thongs, we will get that zone he goes into.

There is no set time frame yet to do this, but not before the 14th of this month, and would need to do it before it gets cold, which should not be until late Sept. or early Oct. I still have a few details to work out on my end, and I could not schedule this before the 14th of this month. After the 14th any day is workable, and whichever works best for you.

If you would prefer not to do it I do understand. I know you think I am one mean ass bitch. but I am really not like that, I just can't help myself on this, it will be a life time memory and I’ll have the photos too.

Again, all this information is a tip off that this isn't a serious inquiry, but rather, it's a strange internet person who wants to send me their dirty stories. This person was really eager to relate these peculiar anecdotes about her "shy" boyfriend and his thongs, but could not find time for a five minute phone call to simply schedule a photo session.

3. No, and I cannot stress this enough, dick pics! This is not an audition. Understand that neither I, nor any photographer on this planet, require a picture of your penis in order to answer questions you have about your photo shoot. I'm not posting screen shots in this case (you're welcome) but I recently received unsolicited dick pics in lieu of a "modeling portfolio." Putting an Instagram filter on a dick pic doesn't magically turn it into art. "Valencia" isn't fooling anyone. It's your penis and literally no one is interested.

Furthermore, we definitely don't need to talk about the particulars of your guy. Size, preferences, abilities, etc are all irrelevant to my work. All I need to know is if you want it visible in the image or if you want it obscured (implied nude). The rest of it is none of my business and discussing it with me at length might lead me to suspect that rather than a sincere individual who is serious about creating a photographic work of art, that you are, in fact, just a sad man who wants to tell someone about your wiener.

In closing, I would like to reassure my male readers a little bit. Boudoir photography is not just for women. It's for men too! There is nothing inherently creepy about being a man asking about boudoir photography. It's having a separate agenda that will get you into trouble.

Most people who want photos done are not professional models so it's normal to feel apprehensive or unsure It's helpful to voice those feelings in order to move through them during your shoot. Ask questions, talk about your feelings, not your penis.

I have worked with men on nude/erotic photo sets and I absolutely love it. Photographing someone requires a certain level of trust and closeness which absolutely does not require any sexual weirdness. The men who have modeled for me or hired me to shoot their concept did so in a way that was appropriate and respectful of me as a professional and as a human being. The results: fantastic images that capture the energy of the individual or relationship between the people we're shooting. So, if you have an idea or a question about an erotic/boudoir style photo shoot for yourself or someone else, let's talk about it!

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